Bikini Lounge

Worth Checking Out. Read a bunch of reviews on this dive before finally biting the bullet and convincing a buddy to check it out. Worried that I might be murdered if in the area after dark, got there at 5:30 on a Monday, expecting to have a nice frosty PBR (afterall, that's what all the other reviewers rave about), but the place was closed.

Re-arriving at just past 6pm, BAM, they're open and the first person I see inside is the homeless dude that was hangin in the parking lot when I first rolled up, Yeah this is where they spend the money you idiots give them when you're sitting on the exit ramp off I-10. Then I saw the old santa-clause looking guy. He's 72 and has been drinking there for a long, long time, btw. That's once my eyes adjusted. I really do think there is only 1 light bulb in this place. Oh, plus the 1 lighting the porn photo dispenser in the frat-house-right-after-a-raging-kegger-nasty bathroom, complete with floor drain that's busted out and probably goes straight to hell. Watch out if you have small feet or some kind of wierd stump-leg/foot thing, you might fall to your death.

ANYWHO, the bartender was friendly enough and happy to be serving someone that actually leaves tips I think, and the mini-pitchers of PBR for 3 BUCKS were awesome. I pretty much got hammered for $9 (plus tip). The pool table was free, plus they have one of those Golden-Tee-like bowling video games that we hit up. After another patron was ballsy enough to fire up the Jukebox and drown out the cheesedick sitcom episode re-runs the regulars were super focused on watching, I spent almost as much money on that as I did on beer. It's nice to have an MP3 Jukebox on hand, but seriously $1/song? WTF?

Some dudes came in while my buddy and I were playing pool and tried really, really hard to sell the bartender some "choice cuts of meat" out of the back of their "refrigerated truck". I figured the bartender was going to falcon-punch them in the nuts, but she was very nice about telling them to get the F out of the bar, which they did without event. Hey I almost forgot to mention the gaggle of chicks that came rolling in not too long after I got there who were all tatted up in a hot way. Turns out they were the burlesque show dancers getting their pre-game drink on before throwing down on the make-shift stage in the junkyard behind the 10K year old building. Caught a glimpse of that, later, on my way back to the car.

Around 7 or 7:30, more people started to show up and by the time we left at 8:30, the place was pretty crowded, mostly with white 30 somethings who were probably drawn there by the same reviews that I read.

In close, this was an interesting experience. My buddy and I agreed that we will both definitely go back to Bikini Lounge, and will try to convince our wives to go with us, although it's certainly questionable as to if they actually will. The place was pretty friendly and, notably, this is the first time I have crossed paths with a street bum who did NOT ask me for money. Happy dive-bar hopping.…

Hipster Breeding Ground. Bikini Lounge is a good place to go if you're a degenerate. If you're looking to find a hooker or score crack cocaine your journey is at an end. It is immediately apparent why hipsters are drawn to this shit hole by the toothless jack-o-lantern grin of the meth addict who checks ID's at the door. This is mostly a customary procedure is there is no chance in hell his amphetamine addled brain can read or do simple math. Inside is packed nut to butt with hipsters and hookers plagued by chronic halitosis bestowed upon them by their diet of Parliaments and Pabst Blue Ribbon which is available to drink straight from the mini-pitcher (not actually ironic, this place has no clean stemware). The barmaids appeared sociable (specifically herpes) and friendly, although I had to gauge this from a depth of three hipsters away (7" to 8 1/2"). It's a tight fit, but the body oils and mustache wax coating every surface of the hellishly narrow cooridor allows for freedom of movement. Exposed wiring, cracked plasterwork, and over priced damaged and beer stained artwork are some of the most striking architectural features of this unique establishment. I include artwork as part of the architecture as they all appear to have been in place for an unimaginably long time and load bearing. The load I refer to seems to be the congealed irony that has been lost on all of the hipsters in attendance that they willingly subject themselves to this pestilent purgatory regularly. In comparison, the basement of the Nile Theater would be a pleasant place to enjoy a picnic.

I will forever regret hour of my life I will never reclaim from this defiled den of destitutes. I am deeply embarassed and ashamed to know anyone who admits to purposefully setting out and patroning this 'establishment'.…

Great little dive bar. This little dive bar is a great place to hang. I went there at the end of a disastrous evening and the bartender with her wise cracks and missing teeth made me a tasty drink. It was like the scene from the matrix where neo ate the cookie and everything was all better. But don't take my word for it; go have some ?all better? for yourself.…