11/02/06

WORST FOOD ON THE PLANET

by tbirdburns

The Gourmet House of Hong Kong should be condemend. The place resembles a demilitarized zone ala Leather Faces' birth place. Beautiful flat screen tv's might throw you off, but you realize they were probably stolen off a Best Buy truck. Or, they used all their funds to purchase televisions instead of spices because they use 0 spices in the dishes. However, if you get a little pinch of taste it reminds you of a bum's nut cheese. At one point, upon viewing our "Alpoesque" lunch, my buddy commented, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." A dead, glazed stare followed. I failed to heed his warning and tasted the beef and broccoli. Immediately, my stomach seized, eyes watered...was this the end? I didn't collapse from the "diseased bile" I just put into my mouth, but I came to a startling conclusion. "This is the worst food I've ever eaten." Like licking camel feces out of a dead man's trench coat. And then it was back to no flavor. Thank God. We both stopped eating soon after. "To go boxes, sir" a burly Latino man kindly asked. I hesitated, cocked an eye at my poisened partner and said the unthinkable, "Sure, why not." The truth was if I was able to get the leftovers to a nuclear waste dump quick enough I might save the city. We didn't make it. The car ruined. My head aches. My friend hasn't been seen from since. He probably drowned in his own regurgitation. To be perfectly clear, for those adventures out there, stay away from the sesame chicken, lo mein, broccoli beef, egg rolls, veggies, and anything else that comes out of the kitchen. I can't forget the burnt fortune cookie for dessert. It fell out of my mouth on my plate like it was a cyanide capsule. By the way, the fortune read: "Trixie, $45 dollars, 1/2 hr of fun." I looked over my shoulder, stumbled out of the establishment...that was 1 hr ago. I need a doctor.

• Pros: none
• Cons: coma

05/24/06

best in the city

by trenchnurse

I've been looking for the best egg foo young in Phoenix, and I have found it! The portions are huge and worth the price, which is cheap in comparison to other places that are mediocre at best. The satay frog legs are to die for! Both the frog legs and egg foo young are fried but amazingly not greasy at all. How do they do it. Find out for yourself! Two thumbs way up!!

• Pros: Food, value
• Cons: parking, no delivery

01/12/04

Bargain Food and Best Kung Pao

by kopomeroy

This place is really a lunch bargain. You can get a plate with rice for less than $4. For some reason though, I always get the same dish - Kung Pao Chicken. It's different than all others I have tasted and it is the best. It has plenty of tender chicken, peanuts, spice and a touch of vinegar.